For Sale: Viola, German, 19th century, 405mm, excellent condition, recently tuned.

What’s the main  requirement at the International Viola Competition?
Hold viola from memory.

What is the range of the viola?
As far as you can kick it.

What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline!

Why couldn’t Beethoven find his teacher?
Because he was Haydn!

How do you know when a flute player is at the door?
The knocking gets faster.

How do you know when a French horn player is at the door?
The doorbell drags.

How do you know if a viola section is at the door?
No one knows when to come in!

One day at rehearsal an oboist and a viola player were fighting. After they were separated by 2 burly bass players, the shocked conductor asked what had happened. The oboe player shrieked, “She broke all my reeds and now I can’t play!”. The viola player retaliated, “Well she turned one of my pegs all the way up and won’t tell me which one!”

What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley.

C, Eb and G go into a bar. The barman says, “sorry we don’t serve minors.”