Why couldn’t Beethoven find his teacher?
Because he was Haydn!

How do you know when a flute player is at the door?
The knocking gets faster.

How do you know when a French horn player is at the door?
The doorbell drags.

How do you know if a viola section is at the door?
No one knows when to come in!

One day at rehearsal an oboist and a viola player were fighting. After they were separated by 2 burly bass players, the shocked conductor asked what had happened. The oboe player shrieked, “She broke all my reeds and now I can’t play!”. The viola player retaliated, “Well she turned one of my pegs all the way up and won’t tell me which one!”

What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley.

C, Eb and G go into a bar. The barman says, “sorry we don’t serve minors.”